I held a little speckled bean in my hand. I knew a strong, 18 inch green plant lived inside that tiny seed. I knew it was leafy and that from it I would harvest a gallon of long, green beans. I held the bean between my thumb and fore-finger, lifting it up to the sunlight. Then I pressed it into the earth: I would never see that seed again. A week went by. The ninth morning when I went to visit my garden, there was a tiny little plant with two tiny leaves struggling to emerge from the earth where I had pressed the seed. We would have beans.
Nearly three months have passed since I went for a series of Reconnection Healing sessions. I went desiring and anticipating healing for my body, especially for my left arm and shoulder. I went desiring emotional healing, to be freed from depression and anxiety. I went wanting a greater connection to the Divine. With the exception of one thing, my sessions were seemingly uneventful and I did not come away feeling any better. In fact, at the last session I experienced waves of anger and rage and have been rather out-of-sorts ever since! This has been a source of great confusion for me. I have held onto the one perplexing experience I did have, that, and my belief that something good is happening within me–even though just what I haven’t understood.
In one of the sessions, I had a very vivid experience of sensing a Being of Light speaking to me. He told me that I was to focus on opening up my left side and my heart chakra, that once I did that, that all these things I have desired would flow to me–more than I could hold.
I had learned that our left side is the receptor side for energy, our right the giving side. It made sense to me that if my energy receptors/channels were closed down, it would make it pretty tough to receive much of any of what I was wanting–healing, understanding, success. And it would leave me chronically depleted of zest and vitality, which in fact, has been my experience for years. So, despite my disappointment and confusion these past few months, I have persevered in visualizing opening up these energy channels. I have wondered if the irritability and rage have been in part, like an emotional detox–a cleansing of sorts. Old stuff long left rotting in the corners being dislodged.
It has seemed to me that the past week or so my shoulder has felt a little better. This morning I was sending healing light to that area when I suddenly realized that perhaps the pain and “injury” in my left shoulder and arm have simply been the manifestation of the energy blockage that I created through my fear and anger in the past. The longer I kept that flow shut down, the more severe the injury and pain became. Of course. Wasn’t it rather obvious?
The seeds of wisdom that we are given, will never actualize their potential if we keep them safe in a box on a shelf. But we have to know, that even when we plant them, it may seem at first as though nothing will come from it. The seed disappears into the earth of our heart, our mind, our body and perhaps there is no evidence of change for days, weeks, months, even years. Then one day, suddenly there is the tiny green plant standing happily in the sunshine, shouting how good it is to be alive!
I allow all that remains of this blockage to melt away, like fog evaporating into the warmth of the sun. It is good to be alive!