Monthly Archives: August 2014

FOR MY HUSBAND, DAVID

August 5, 2014

Dear David,

Seven years ago today I stood on a sandy beach of Lake Superior in front of a Circle of family and friends and made a promise to you.  While you held my shaking hands, I said that for as long as I live I will choose to grow in my understanding of Love and my ability to allow Love to flow through me.  I promised that I will never abandon my choice to learn to Love from the deepest place, unconditionally.

I also promised you that always I would love you to the best that I am able.

The God in us was smiling that day even though he may have winced once or twice knowing what lay ahead of us, for such a promise will reveal all the obstacles that are hindering that Love from thriving.  And oh my, what obstacles we have encountered and tripped upon!  What wounds we have suffered trying to find our way!

I told you something else that day on the sandy shore.  I told you that you were like the earth beneath our feet…and I was the water contained within the bowl of you.  Like the Lake, some days I will be serene, or a bit playful; others frenzied and stormy, raging perhaps; others rolling and purposeful.  But always, always, contained within the bowl of the earthen shore. 

Indeed, I have rolled–sometimes right over you as the wave rakes the sandy shoreline.  I have stormed and raged.  Sometimes I have been serene, even playful.  Like the earth, though it’s sandy layers shift about and the pebbles tumble and roll–you have remained, steadfast and strong.

You have watched me keep my promises.  I have never given up my pursuit of that great Love that is the breath of the Creator…that which enables all life to thrive.  I have had to remove a lot of obstacles–release a lot of fear–open doors long closed–forgive.  I have not always loved you well–but I have loved you the best that I was able.  I too, like the great Water I also love, still remain, here, in the bowl of your embrace.

Seven years.  There is something magical and sacred about the number seven.  Among the meanings that it holds is the sense of completion and perfection.  This is our seventh year.  And it is contained within a year of sevens–2014.  We have sensed a shift this year; a shift between us, within us, in the unfolding of our lives–individually and together.  Good shifts.  Shifts away from old energies, old “stuff”.  It feels as though we have indeed completed some very difficult work, individually and together; as though we have sweated and hacked out way through a densely overgrown forest path and find it opening into a luscious meadow with a sparkling stream flowing through.  On one side there is a vista overlooking a craggy mountain valley…some clouds are drifting lazily, a few shredding themselves on the tops of massive fir trees.  There is a root-studded, stony path winding down the mountain along the stream.  There is another winding up the mountain above us.  We have to choose which we will follow.  Down into the fertile valley–or up to the mountain heights?

You like to say, “Life is good and getting better!”  Too often I have rolled my eyes and shaken my head and chosen not to believe you–too afraid that it wouldn’t get better–and not happy enough to honestly declare that ‘life is good’.  But I watched you enjoying your life.  I watched you not get too worried when things were not as we would wish them to be.  I watched your life get better, filling up with many good things that you wanted to experience and do.  Thank you for teaching me that indeed, life is good, and it is getting better.  It will be as good as I wish it to be, as I notice that it is, as I make it.  I am learning from you that it will only get better if I allow it.

You like to say, “Let it go…”  I snarl at you sometimes when you say that because like a fish on a hook, I don’t know how to let go of the damn hook!  In the moment it’s got me and it’s taking me where I don’t want to go!  You repeat, “Just let it go”… I think I’m finally learning what that means.  And I think I’m getting better at recognizing the hook before I swallow it…more adept at spitting it out before it has  me…even at avoiding it altogether!  Aren’t you glad? 

I have learned that to be successful at Love really is about letting it go…letting all the “what ifs” and the “if onlys” swirl away in the stream of life.  Choosing to smile at the morning, choosing to allow love to flow.  Choosing in the afternoon and in the evening to release the expectations and demands, to forgive instead of criticize, to laugh instead of frown, to bless, to embrace.  I am beginning to comprehend in a tangible way that love really is about seeing in you the divine spark of God…the same spark that is in me…recognizing that we are both Beloved…what’s there NOT to love?

Seven years ago today I stood on a sandy beach of Lake Superior in front of a Circle of family and friends and made some promises to you.  Today before my readers, my family and friends, I choose again to publicly honor you, to renew those promises I made to you and to tell you with God and the world as my witness…I love you. 

Happy Anniversary, David.

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