December 2, 2010

I looked up from this email I’ve been writing instead of the article I was going to write. The clock winked. “Gottcha!”

The afternoon sun has dropped behind the ridge line. My day is spent—on emails and family concerns. It is the fourth day running that my work has remained untouched. I don’t know how to make this happen—this scheduled writing work day. Panic is roiling through my stomach like flood waters through a crevice so that I can’t even think clearly to write now I’ve set myself to the task! Negative thoughts are chasing their tails round and round my brain.

The clock winked. Ahhh, these thoughts; make them sit up and beg with big, sad eyes that will make me smile! That clock will not win.

Let’s see. How about a quick peek at what is true about the day? Today I did my qigong meditation and took a shower and went to the doctor for my annual exam. I answered email and made breakfast and read an article about a young man in a coma and his father’s care for him and his hatred of the boy who beat up his son. I was thinking of doing my writing prompt about that…all the hurt we don’t know what to do with. I researched dental insurance for my husband so he wouldn’t have to do that on top of everything else. I did the dishes and a load of laundry and cleaned the toilet downstairs and resupplied the toilet paper in the bathrooms. I got out the pot for the plant from under the back steps so it could thaw. I did another qigong meditation. I worked on learning how to use the tape recorder thinking I would work on transcribing my interviews. I looked up information for my son and compiled it. I listened to my daughter and encouraged her. I made her a smoothie. I went for a walk with the dog. I made supper and chatted with another daughter and did the dishes again. I wrote some more info for my son. I greeted our guest when he arrived. I read about a teleconference and sent the info to my girlfriends. I’m writing this prompt.

I will not judge the day as good or bad. It was a day; another day that I lived. Another day given to me to love my family. Another day that I was able to think about God and my place in the world. Another day that I was able to walk through the snow under the stars and look at the neighbor’s Christmas lights. Another day that I was able to cook and eat healthy, delicious food. Another day to read and write and listen to music and play with the dog. Another day to hug my husband and my girls and see their beautiful faces. Another day of simple pleasures.

The clock winked. I winked back. Time flows like the stream on the hill above my house. I am flowing with it—experiencing many things as I am tumbled along. Only that. Now I am enjoying my meditation music and my tea and my candlelight and then I will rest. As I sleep my body will regenerate so that tomorrow I can continue to experience things and learn and enjoy all that I can.

I have nothing to regret; certainly nothing to fear.

The clock winked. I smiled.

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