December 11, 2010
Thoughts from the Enneagram for me this week:
• Your Path of Transformation is Forgiveness. Who do you need to forgive?
• “I now affirm that I am transforming my life into something higher.”
I am transforming my life into something higher than slavery to the whims of my Ego. I am recognizing the strength in the delicate alliance between thought and emotion. I am recognizing also the differences in my thoughts depending on their origin. Thoughts from my heart, from my Higher Mind, align themselves with Universal Truths, with that which sustains Life and Harmony, with that which creates Beauty. Thoughts originating from my heart-mind are of the Light and shine brightly. They draw their strength from Love.
Thoughts originating from my Egoic, human mind vibrate at a lower frequency and are prone to be negative—even when they are superficially “happy thoughts”. These thoughts bend toward judgment and critique and look for what is lacking. These thoughts are self-protective while at the same time are self-destructive. These thoughts respond at a visceral level to whatever emotions are currently manifesting in my body. I look for reasons for the emotions, for someone to blame for them, rather than noting their message and adjusting my thoughts or my activities.
If my path toward this transformation to living from my Higher Mind is forgiveness, who indeed do I need to forgive?
At the very top of the list would be myself. My butterfly wings have been weighed down from flight by regret and guilt and shame. My Egoic mind lives in the past and plans for the future. I am not accustomed to savoring the moment in which I am actually living.
After myself, it will be those I find difficult to respect because of their own harmful, egoic-minded behaviors.
And in a given moment, it will be someone who has treated me with disrespect.
I see the reason that the path of transformation for me is forgiveness. Because in order to forgive I must move out of my egoic-mind into my higher mind. When I feel angry with myself for not doing what I wanted myself to do; or with the Universe for not answering my prayers; or with others because they are not as I think they should be, I must be willing to transcend these immediate negative emotions and pivot my thoughts to the higher truths of Love and Light, truths that transcend the “truth” of what I feel like in the moment. I must be willing to live in the present moment and in this moment notice what is good, what is right, what is lovely and holy. I must be willing to allow what is—and allow others to choose their own path and experiences. I cannot forgive myself or others without making this change in focus.
I have often thought that to have this tolerance and acceptance toward myself or others was weak, passive, apathetic. Like so many other things, I see now that this is indeed the case when we try to love or forgive through the Egoic mind. When we “forgive” or “tolerate” through our egoic nature, we have a tendency toward passive acceptance—I call it the “doormat syndrome”. I don’t think we can truly and deeply forgive, in the way that Jesus talks about in the Christian scripture or the Buddah or any of the Masters, through our egoic nature. We must transcend this and love and forgive from a deeper place within ourselves—from the essence of who we really are, from our divine, eternal, spirit-self.
So, indeed, my path of transformation is the path of forgiveness. Because it is the path of love. Because it requires me to move beyond my Ego into the present,